Back in Hell(’s Kitchen)
15 April 2008Holla here. Writing to you from amazing San Antonio, Texas where the women are big and the portions are beautiful. Wait…scratch that, reverse it, good. Just wanted to give you a quick sum-up from the new season of Hell’s Kitchen. This season’s third episode airs tonight and we will be watching it (hopefully) in our lovely little hotel room. In the first episode, Chef Ramsey sent home what’s-his-name after deciding that while “neither team is a winner tonight” it was the men’s team that sucked harder, so to speak.
The obligatory “go fix me your signature dish” this season was preceded by a not-as-stunning-as-its-hype bit wherein Gordon Ramsey donned a wig and feature-altering face putty in order to ride the bus with the new crop of contestants and listen to their candid chit-chat before the big ‘reveal’. Jean-Phillipe welcomed the new victims, er…contestants, told them a few trivialities about the show restaurant, Chef Ramsey and this year’s prize, then asked if anyone could impersonate the bombastic Brit. He gave it a shot himself to warm them up then gave them the floor. With no Caliendo-esque talent, a few of the chefs ‘lite’ made heartfelt attempts mostly yelling, nasaling painful fake accents and using phrases like, “This is RAW!”, “Oh, what the bloody hell?!”, and “Touch this you bleeping MORON. IT’S STONE COLD!”
Jean-Phillipe then pointed to the tall, quiet guy in the back. When he began speaking, the other chefs were first confused, then stunned and ultimately embarrassed. Then that tall guy pulled his nose off. The reactions varied but overall I would say that FOX Network forgot that when a group of people has only just met, they usually don’t immediately dive into trash talk about their soon-to-be boss, also a legend in their own chosen profession. Also given to profanity-laden tirades. Oh yeah, and all while the cameras are rolling. In the end, the best they got out of it was a cheesy declaration of, “I’m the black Gordon Ramsey” from Bobby and a few nervous giggles from everyone when they realized what had happened.
The dinner service in episode two was better than the first but still a relative disaster. The women lost this time. Mainly because the men served more food, despite the astonishing lack of mental capacity on the testosterone side of the kitchen. Chef named Corey “the best of the worst”, a title she would not have been so happy about if her hair was a few shades darker, so to speak. Her dubious title landed her with the task of nominating two women for possible elimination. As they trudged back to the dorm, Chef Ramsey mumbled something like, “This should be easy” to Corey’s receding back. When both teams were recalled to the kitchen, Chef asked for Corey’s nominations and reasons. Her first nom went to Christina though her reasons had nothing to do with Christina’s skills and everything to do with Corey’s personal insecurity. Her second choice, inexplicably, was Jen, to which Chef replied, “Bleep me.” I didn’t get it either. At that moment, the TubeZombie and I looked at each other and said, “He’s not going to send either of them home.” We were right. After listening to Christina’s succinct plea for safety and Jen’s endless, droning one, Chef sent both women back to the line and unceremoniously dismissed Sharon. His reason was simple, “I don’t believe in you.” Certainly, he would never give a $250 grand salary and a position as executive chef in his own restaurant to someone he does not believe in. B’bye now.
Tune in next time when Corey realizes, too late, that Chef Ramsey - and ONLY Chef Ramsey - will determine the winner.
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